Bright Town

♥ Seeing MoBo and accompanying parents avec new tattoo

♥ Indulging in battered sausage and chips on the beach cos it was my holidays and I was entitled to eat like a horse God damn it

♥ Going to the beach

♥ Tesco home shopping. 3kg pasta. Woops

♥ Going a bit crazy in the 99p shop and having to remember that I am no longer a student

♥ Meeting up with Herr Poncetastique, DJ KG Extrodinaire, A Blast From the Past and the newest Landlord in town. Then getting disgustingly drunk and being very badly behaved but not remembering any of it thus receiving grudging forgiveness in the morning

♥Then spending the next day on the sofa cos I was really far too hungover to move. Apart from to the microwave for hot popcorn. Mmmmmmm

♥ Watching the rain come down and marveling at my psychic skillz on deciding today would be the day to be too hungover to go out

♥ Two Hop Poles extravaganzas each as good as each other. Complete with impressive moustaches

♥ Enjoying the sunshine/photos by the West Pier

♥ In a Captain's hat. That was sold to us by the most excitable man ever. "I bet she puts it on now! Look at her! I bet she does!" Don't encourage me f00

♥ Going on the real pier. Being victorious. But a bit scared of the gaps in the wood

♥ Looking at the rides above the sea and saying, "Oh my fucking God", a lot

♥ Walking home in the sunshine via a veritable jungle with flying ants and fishes

♥ Inhaling Ben & Jerrys

♥ Pentanque

♥ Impromptu Moon showing "due to public demand". Duke of York's + Cake + Green & Blacks + Good Film = :-)

♥ Too much inks of every variety. Probably

♥ Jacket Potatoes

♥ Sad Face - home time

It's great up North

Michael: I don't have confetti. Do you reckon I can just throw stones at Catlow?

Me: I don't see why not. We could pretend we're in Afghanistan. She surely has enough flesh showing to justify a stoning.

Dr Chris King: Well, she has the use of the church she may as well get as much as she can out of it. Wedding and a funeral in one day. Nice.

Me: I think most girls feel at some point they'd like to be buried in their wedding gown.

All of the above was witnessed by a uni friend's boyfriend. Who we'd met an hour previously.

Some time later....and after two quickly downed glasses of champagne.

Photograher: Catlow's friends. Can we have Catlow's friends?

Elfin Erin: Oooh is this where we get involved?

Gathering around Catlow -

Dr Chris King: Oh I've forgotten what I was going to say.

Me: Was it something along the lines of must you wear red lipstick so your mouth looks like a massive gash? Cos that's what you used to say to me in uni.

Dr Chris King: Was it? Well it is true

Michael: Snort Splutter Snigger

Photo Taken

Catlow: Right, what are you lot laughing at?

Some time even later when I'd crawled to bed because the bride told me it'd be a good idea

Dr Chris King - some what inebriated: So Catlow. Do you have any sluts for me to fuck?

Apparently Elfin Erin was inclined to say, "Oh yes. The prozzies we ordered for you are arriving in 15 so that's good timing". She didn't. She feared she'd be taken seriously.

Some time much later. The Morning After. Chris and me - the drunkest and the only ones up for breakfast:

Telephone -

Me: Are you up? Are you coming to breakfast?

Dr Chris King: I can't work the fucking shower, this is fucking ridiculous. This is fucking stupid.

Me: It's easy. You just twist the outer knob. Snigger

Dr Chris King: Nothing is fucking happening. There should at least be some basic fucking instructions.

Me: Christ. Right. I'm coming to do it for you.

Two minutes later Dr Chris King opens the door in his boxers and a shirt and proceeds to have a conversation with me with one leg up on the bed until I tell him to put his leg down because he makes me feel quite ill. The room is littered with detritus. Amongst the fallout are 3 condoms on the floor.

Me: Christ Chris. It looks like an earthquake has happened in here. Did you pull?

Dr Chris King gesturing to his fairly uncrumpled single bed and pulling more condoms out of his suit pocket: Does it fucking look like I pulled?

Me: Eight. Wow Chris. You think a lot of yourself. Oh well. Let's put the shower on for you.

Dr Chris King: It doesn't fucking work. It's fucked.

Me: There you go. It's on now.

Dr Chris King: Oh.

Me: Did you remember to bring toothpaste? I forgot.

Dr Chris King searching around backpack: No. But I do have a vibrating cock ring.

Me: I can't wash my teeth with that.

I leave.

I Shared A House With This Force Of Nature

I am not Katy Perry

Dear Northern Folk,

I am not Katy Perry. Nor am I Lady GaGa. So can you all stop following me around singing their songs at me. It's a wedding. Not Britain's Got Talent.

Fanks et gros bisous,

Mademoiselle B.

Je suis en retard

That's French for late. Not retard. Idiots.

I forgot to say how much I want a new tattoo. It is killing me. I would secretly love to be covered but it makes me sad face as I am poor and have to think about things like high brow nights out for work which may mean that seemingly innocuous tattoos become a talking point because there really is nothing else to discuss at these shindigs.

I have gone from the skull flower on the inside of my ankle to a pocket watch on my hip to maybe just going crazy and having both. However. I do not want this or this. Do you think she noticed she forgot to take off her necklace first? I remember when I had my last tattoo done and they asked to take a photo of it. Immediately I took all my clothes off. Then I pulled a suitably angst ridden face to convey the angst on my face. Then they took a photo of my feet.

Vacances

Scary. Unless you're dead you must have seen the new Alice in Wonderland trailer. I am excited.

I am also so very excited about seeing all my uni friends on Friday for drunken japes in a country hotel. Emails currently doing the rounds have things in them like:

I'm going to get so drunk I forget my own name.

I think perhaps we should pace ourselves and only start the real drinking at 7.

I'm thinking perhaps we should bring some vodka for our room - I fucking love you. If you had brains you'd be dangerous

I hope we're getting a full English in the morning or I'll make sure I puke in a pot plant

It wouldn't be untrue to say the bride is shitting herself. Mainly cos we're coming. It would also not be untrue to say that she has deliberately separated us so the meal doesn't end up like the final scene in Bugsy Malone.

Poisson

I like this. Shamelessly stolen. We used to have one of these. Then all the fishes went away to the big tank in the sky.