Merde

"Er Guys, do you remember when we went to Coachella in the Summer and we all went a bit batty on the K and to sort ourselves out we dropped a load of acid and then decided we should use Madonna in our S/S08 campaign?

We went to Coachella?

Yes Jeff. We did. But you had to over exert yourself on the first night with a load of smack that you got off of Anthony Kiedis and spend the rest of the month hooked up to a ventilator in the desert cos you were too touch and go to be moved. Anyway. The photos are back. And we're fucked.

Hmm. Not really a surprise.

No. It's not. I mean we've done what we can but....Well look at them. Thankfully the stylist thought to put all the bangles we had for the shoot on her arm all at the same time which means we've managed to cover up the 97 year old arm problem. Unfortunately we didn't bring quite enough bangles so we had to pay for some 17 year old photoshop whizkid to do the rest. And obviously, we then didn't have any other bangles for the rest of the shoot.

What about her inexplicable desire to show her fanny off at every moment?

It's not really inexplicable. She had a Catholic upbringing and she's a bit of a ho bag.

True say. Okay. What about her desire to show her fanny off at ever moment?

Turns out Meisel isn't just a photographer. He's a fricking genius. He got her to sit sideways to the camera and for her to turn her head.

HE'S A GENIUS

I know! It failed slightly though. Turns out she has an out of control ginger muff. I guess that's what happens when you get as old as the dawn of time though. You start growing hair at an alarming rate from places you really wish it didn't happen. Ears. Nose.

Muff.

Muff. But you know, muff covers clit so we're all good.

I thought it was Cock, Muff, Bumhole?

NO! I'm not talking about games now. We couldn't talk her out of the hooker tights cos she's Madonna and don't we know who she is and all that.

Fuck.

Oh no, it's alright. We went through some stuff, put out some calls and managed to find a pair of hooker shoes so it looks like it's deliberate. Sort of. If hookers hang out in high class Parisian cafés.

Nice. Very Helen Mirren Emmy thing.

Yeah. It was inspired. Even if I do say so myself. And I do. So all in all, we'll pay Vogue enough to chat shit about how great the pictures are, hope all the bitchy queen bloggers go for them cos it's Madonna and every bitchy queen blogger loves Madonna and promise ourselves to never make decisions like that whilst high again. So. Next campaign. I've just done a couple of bumps by the way. I was thinking - Britney?