On va danser ensemble

I hate you Lady GaGa. I hate your stupid glasses and your inability to keep your clothes on in the name of being kooky. However, I can empathise with you. In fact, I suspect that perhaps you've ripped off my typical night out and written about it to try and make yourself cool.

Exhibit A:


I've had a little bit too much
Obviously. You can't have fun unless totally inebriated/intoxicated.

All of the people start to rush
(Start to rush by)
See above. They're not actually rushing by. That's you falling towards the floor because you can't stand up anymore.

A dizzy twister dance
The twister dance! That's how you pick up boys right? Am I right?

Can't find my drink or man
You can't find your drink because you've drank it. And you can't find a man because you're a fucking disgrace.

Where are my keys, I lost my phone
I'm not even joking. The above line actually is my life. Sorry Monsieur B.

What's going on on the floor?
Nothing. The room is spinning. You're actually looking at the wall.

I love this record baby
You love EVERYTHING. You're FUCKED.

But I can’t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
Your poor, poor friends

I can't remember but it's alright, alright

Just dance, gonna be okay
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, gonna be okay
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance, dance, dance
Ju-ju-ju-just dance
How many times have you been told to dance it off? "Don't worry, she'll dance it off. Just don't give her anything else"

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth
There's a million things I could say here. All rude. But what immediately springs to mind is blow jobs and swearing.

How'd I turn my shirt inside out?
You know that man you couldn't find? Yeah, well you're really desperate for some attention from *anyone* now
(Inside out right)
No. It's just inside out. And it looks silly

Control your poison babe
Oh right. You're starting to run out so you're trying to make it last. I get ya. Clever girl

Roses with thorns they say
I just don't know about this

And we're all gettin' hosed tonight
Bringing this back to they playboy bit...I'm absolutely certain that you're just being plain rude. And you're embarrassing yourself and you're embarrassing all your friends too. Put your clothes back on, the RIGHT way around and just leave with what is left of your dignity

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby
But I can’t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright

Just dance, gonna be okay
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, gonna be okay
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance, dance, dance
Ju-ju-ju-just dance
You're repeating yourself now

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalogue
So you're not really at a club are you? You're at an Ann Summers' party

Can’t believe my eyes so many women without a flaw
They're photoshopped

And I ain’t gonn' give it up, steady tryna pick it up like the car
That's not English.

I'mma hit it, I'mma hit it and flex until the 'til done until tomorr' yeah
Oh dear. This is clearly the beginning of the end

Show me I can see that you got so much energy
Ah yes. But look at her septum

The way you twirling up them hips round and round
Ah yes. But look at her septum

There’s no reason, I know why you can’t leave here with me
Ah yes. But look at her septum

In the meantime stand, let me watch you break it down
Ah yes. But look at her septum

Just dance, gonna be okay
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, gonna be okay
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance, dance, dance
Ju-ju-ju-just dance

I’m psychotic sync hypnotic
I got my blue burners and phonic
I’m psychotic sync hypnotic
I got my brand electronic
I’m psychotic sync hypnotic
I got my blue burners and phonic
I’m psychotic sync hypnotic
I got my brand electronic
Okay deary. You're making absolutely no sense now so this is the point in the night where we all go to the kebab house and you lurch around screaming for a donor with extra chilli sauce that you won't remember you ate the next morning but you'll think that it *might* have happened because you have a mouth that tastes a bit like an armpit. Or it might be due to that hosing you had

Go, use your muscle comin' out work it hustle
Fallen on hard times eh? Don't sell yourself. Think about women all over the world

I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Sweet Jesus

Go slow, drive it, clean it
Christ almighty

Like so clean it’s been molesto
I'm not sure because I don't think this is a real word but I'm guessing that molesto is something that you have made very, very clean. With your mouth.

I got it, and your popped coll'
I've just raised my eyebrows

Just dance, gonna be okay
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance, gonna be okay
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance, dance, dance
Ju-ju-ju-just dance

So. I rest my case.