Mauvais weheartit.com

I love these shoes. I found them on weheartit.com (which is why I should ban myself from this site). £100 inc p&p from the US. Hoom. Parental Units. Give your first born a good present this year.

Rouge

Look. Lindsay. You know you've been number one on the Red List for quite some time now but this continual hair swappage irks me. Embrace the rouge. It makes me sad that I can't have epically red hair without being boringbrown inbetween and you just don't seem to have any respect for your beautiful, beautiful hair. So straight in at number 1.........Christina Hendricks. I heart you. If your whole marriage thing doesn't work out, or even if at some point you and your husband get bored and want a bedmate that brings hilarity to the party, call me. No. Really.

Explosion

My head actually feels like it is about to explode. Tension headaches - sadface. I think I might stare at my pretty tattoos for a bit to make me feel better.

I have had lots of funtimes last weekend but this whole head/explosion thing is hindering my ability to blog coherently and hilariously so I'll save it for another day when I can do it justice. As a taster, afternoon tea and dangerously strong cocktails are good bedmates.

In the interim, I have found a lovely site that - like most things on the internet - is completely pointless. It's a collection of photos found on the internet that are then linked to the site and you can choose whether to heart them which is linked to your profile. See. Told you. Completely pointless. Without merit in every way. But if you like pretty photos (MsK I'm looking at you here) then you can easily while away 3 hours on this site. I speak from experience. Like twitter you can choose to follow people and vice versa. I've still got to find worthy people to follow. It is easy to fall in to the emo teen trap. Mark my words. And yes, the above is nicked from there. Mainly because Paul and Zooey look extra freaking hot in that picture. See my hearts at www.weheartit.com/subs.

Tour Eiffel

They called and said,

Yo yo I make teapots and I hear you're pretty much the go to girl for stupid shit so what shape would you like us to make?

Um, I do like Paris. Can you make a teapot the shape of Paris?

Yeah, yeah totally. We could do a range, London, Paris, New York. OF COURSE WE CAN'T YOU FREAK.

Oh. Okay. Well I'll guess I'll settle for the Eiffel Tower.

Now, now. THAT's better.

And here we are. Actually, that didn't happen. But something much funnier did. So when I'm down I do one of three things:

1: Drink my unhappiness away

2: Shop my unhappiness away

and if it's really dire and I can't manage to do either of those things then

3: Eat my unhappiness away.

Last night I was thankfully lined up for some posh nosh in the East Rooms. This meant that alcohol would also be involved. Arriving at my friend's house I announced that not only was I bollock freezing cold (which is quite a feat considering) but that I was gonna get reallyfuckingdrunk.

Off we went and the nice lady took my coat and sat us down. Then the nice man came over and asked us what we wanted to drink. My reply, "Something strong". So we kicked the night off with a French 75.

French 75

Articulate and witty. Sipping my drink and doing a catch up of the Christmas/New Year. Speaking at an acceptable volume

Bottle of light bodied red

An enjoyable, drinkable wine. Drinkable being the buzz word. Down it went as I became even wittier but volume increased. Also, I began to swear a lot. Mainly saying things like fucking. But being hilarious. Explaining the art of going to a wedding which is not local and then realising that my chicken is probably going cold but I'll sacrifice the food for my witty banter because people really need to hear this shit. Finishing off the last of it I declared, "I like this, I think we should have another bottle".....

Another bottle of light bodied red

It goes a bit hazy half way through this one but I reckon that I'm probably being extremely witty about now. I also basically tell my friend I really like her shoes. In fact, I like them so much that she should lend them to me for my birthday. She complies either out of fear or inebriation. Either way her compliance is binding. I think this is the bottle where we talk about spending too much money in the sales. In any event, we accept the dessert menu and then it sits beside us, languishing, unopened.

Another glass of light bodied red

I love the waiter. He is so smiley and helpful (I forget this is his job). He recommended this fine wine. And it is fine wine. And he is foreign. Suddenly it is very important that I know where he is from. He won't tell me so I have to guess. I guess Turkey. I am wrong. It seems that I think it important that the WHOLE ROOM know that this waiter is lovely and that we should ALL guess where he is from. So I turn around in my chair and suddenly the 6-8 other people who are insane enough to be out at 1am on a school night join in a kind of raucous game of 'Where Is The Waiter From'.

Are you from Europe?

Are you from mainland Europe? (This was me. I thought he was trying to trick me by saying he wasn't from Turkey)

Do you use the Euro?

How long does it take to get home?

It was most entertaining. For me. I didn't guess it. Some lady did. The irony being that this morning I couldn't remember where he was from. And I still can't. Then I interrogated a lovely man and lady sat behind me. Turned out they were on a first date. "Oooooh, how is it going?" Well, I'm guessing everyone was thinking it so I may as well ask. No. I can't remember the answer to that specifically either. I think it was going okay though. It was 1am so either she'd missed the tube home and resigned herself to an inevitable, I must sleep with this person or I'll be sleeping in the street and it's -4 degrees outside, or it really was going well. I never can tell.

And then it was time to go home and pass out. Braced ourselves for pulling down the futon for me to sleep on but my friend's boyfriend had had some foresight. He'd pulled it out and made the bed up. It would not be wrong to say we stopped in our tracks when we caught sight of such thoughtfulness and said, "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, he is so lovely", over and over for about ten minutes. That or he is very clever and knew that he'd be woken up by bang, crash, thump, fuck the futon won't get round the radiator can we pull it out, drag, drag, thump. But we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

***Since writing the above I have found this site. It is, without doubt, the best website on the internet. Fact***

J'aime les jambes

Robe

When I grow up can I get married and wear this please?

Dimanche

I've never watched Mad Men but I do enjoy reading all about their attire in the programme. And how beautiful the red head is. Who got married in real life last week. She reminds me of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I heart her.

I have had a pants crisis. I'm not going to go in to the ins and outs of the crisis but the upshot goes thusly:

I am a mentalist who loves pants so much that she orders them off the internets then has a wobbly because she doesn't get a confirmation email (did I mention it was late Christmas Eve afternoon) so goes and buys exactly the same thing from Selfridges THEN the confirmation email comes on the 28th December and I come home to find a package but luckily the internets had sent the WRONG size so now I am left with two sets of loveliness, one that fits and one that doesn't but I'm unsure as to whether to return the WRONG size to Selfridges even though that is where I bought the RIGHT size and the receipt has the SIZE on it but try and BLAG it anyway just in case they don't notice or send the WRONG size back to where it came from on the INTERNETS but have to also send back all the lovely PACKAGING.

I won't lie. It has been making me frown for about 24 hours now. And I was meant to go to Selfridges today to try and blag but when I got out of bed the following was so much more appealing:

❤ Faffing around with importance

❤ Getting importance out of the way and then literally spending HOURS looking on the internets at blogs I need to catch up with and tracking down lots of fun dresses. Also, finding that a lovely French person has linked me on their blog and I don't even know them in real life. Lovely stuff.

❤ Realising I have spent HOURS on the internet so deciding I should do something else. Something else being installing myself in the living room for FOUR HOURS and watching the BBCs Pride and Prejudice. Then everyone else who wandered in got sucked in to the Pride and Prejudice vortex

❤ Thinking that I should probably make some dinner and an epic roast is the only way forward. That and stuffing myself with the crunchiest roast potatoes ever.

And here I am. Still in my dressing gown (no lie) thinking about maybe getting myself ready for work tomorrow. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the 6am starts and 4 hours commute again but I'm sure I'll manage. The thought of afternoon tea on Saturday will keep me going I'm sure. That and pretty dresses.

2009

Which was the best month for you? Either August or September. I can't decide.

Which month(s) was the worst? Probably January, just because it was January. Eugh.

What person had the most impact on your life this year? Probably me ma because she talks a lot of sense.

What was the best concert that you attended? Yeah Yeah Yeahs

What was your biggest challenge of 2009? Staying on the smoking wagon.

Your biggest regret? I’m not sure if I have any.

What moments stand out to you the most? Getting tattooed just after my birthday - Receiving the most thoughtful gift I have ever received and there being no occasion for gift giving - Driving down a path at Butlins - Cowshed - Standing on the balcony of the Tate Modern on a cold February day

What band did you listen to the most? Florence and the Machine - Bon Iver - The xx (late contenders) - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

On a scale of 1-10, 2009 was: 7.5

Did you:

Meet anyone special? All my friends are pretty special (looking)

Get close to someone you didn’t expect to? I don't think so

Have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yup

Experience the death of a loved one? No

Get in a fight? Nope.

Lose a friend? No.

Get drunk? Obviously

Regret doing something? Yes

Go to a concert? Yes

Learn something new? Yes

Get arrested? Nope.

Break up with someone? No.

Get a tattoo? Yes. Two in fact. And now I have an insatiable desire to have another. Slippery slopes.

Go to a party? Yes.

What did you do on New Year’s Eve: I took advantage of a free bar til 12, jagerbombs for 50p, had a lot of fun incorporating "singing" ice ice baby and staying out til silly am.

What is your New Year’s resolution? I have a few. And I will explode if I reveal any of them. So I won't.

Did you keep your resolution from last year? I don’t think I made one. If I did it was to continue to try not to smoke.

Do you think things will be different in 2010? I really hope so.

What do you want most out of 2010? If I told you I'd have to kill you.

Do you think 2010 will be better than 2009? I do.

Anything you are particularly looking forward to? Afternoon tea.