On ment

Whilst I have not seen 'The Invention of Lying' and I really have no desire to do so either the premise certainly appeals. I often go through my day thinking about how lovely it would be to not have apply any social filter system and say exactly what I'm thinking.

I imagine my day would go somewhat like this:

To commuters:

Could you either get out of my way or throw yourself in to the path of this oncoming tube please because you really are walking unnecessarily slow.

To the school children on the train:

Could you act your age and stop discussing politics and start discussing whether you should let your flex bang you at the weekend please?

To people in general:

You've told me this story. Twice. Please shut up. And I'm less interested now then I was the first time you told me. And I was pretty disinterested at the outset.

or

Right. From what you've just said I'm inferring some sort of nefarious, underhand agenda here. Could you just tell me what it is you're getting at and then I'll be less confused and you'll be less angry with me for being confused? Ta.

Obviously the best bit would be commenting on facebook status' of people who I am unable to cull as I see them that little bit too often and the whole situation would just be awkward (I did once have someone ask why I unfriended them. My flawless argument was: Errrrrrrrrr). I am often tempted to comment upon status' of the most cretinous of acquaintances who insist on posting the minutiae of their day or those who ask rhetorical questions. I was very close to writing just yesterday evening under a status of someone asking if she looked like a mug confirming that yes, she does look like a mug. As opposed to looking for confirmation from Facebook perhaps she should ask her boyfriend. Or commenting on someone wondering where their boyfriend was that he was probably out fucking the office totty because the sun has driven him to distraction. But alas, I can not. So I am left blogging about it instead.

Obviously there are certain people with whom there is no filter. Although sometimes I am with someone who I do not filter with and others are present who are unaware of my foul mouth and malcontent attitude.

Case in point:

Sat with a friend slagging off a loser man who won't take the hint

Me - He should just fuck off. Someone needs to take him aside quietly and say look mate you've managed to get balls deep in her once, be thankful for that and realise it was an indiscretion on her part and chalk that one up to the wank bank.

Unfortunately her boyfriend was sat beside me. I'd say there was a look of horror but that would be an understatement. I think once he'd got over the initial shock though he took it in the manner it was intended....