Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Quand je fais l'amour avec toi je pense a lui

When I want to drop someone off the edge I do what I consider the Done Thing. Completely ignore their texts/emails. It works for me. I don't have to have that awful conversation where I come across like a complete bitch that is dead on the inside and I say horrible clich├ęs like, "Its not me, its you" (LIE), and "I've just come out of a really long relationship and don't feel ready to make a commitment at the moment" (again, LIE). It also means that the person who you're ignoring retains at least a shred of dignity as they're not told outright that you're totally not interested and you'd prefer if they never contacted you again or you'll get a restraining order. Or something.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not so deluded that I think that I'm the fucking shit and that no one has ever ignored my texts because they're just not interested. However, I have the good sense and the dignity to take that non reply to my text etc and realise what it means - I'm a drunken lush.

Anyway, it seems one person has completely disregarded his pride, self respect, whatever and is not taking the hint. After several Facebook messages (unread, not replied to), text messages (read, not replied to) and emails (unread, not replied to) I got a bit of The Fear. This could turn in to a stalker scenario. Having discussed correct etiquette with my friends it was decided that I should reply to the last text (Oi. Where have you gone too?xxxxx) and be brutally honest.

This evening I did what I consider a cardinal sin. I attempted to chuck (can someone you've only had sex with and not really gone out with be chucked?) him by text. I say attempted because I think I've failed. Miserably.

My reply: "I've not gone anywhere. I'm avoiding you because you have a small penis and you don't know how to use it"

Which is semi true. It was of an adequate size.

I crossed my fingers hoping that this would be harsh enough for him to either stop texting me or send him in to such a rage that I would receive a volly of abuse that is totally deserved and would also mean that I would then forever be referred to by him and his circle of friends as, "That lying bitch who doesn't know what she missed out on".

I should have crossed everything. Almost IMMEDIATELY he replied with, "I know you think that you told *** (his best friend starred for anonymity purposes) when you were drunk. When do I get my date? xxx"

Firstly, what the fucking fuck fuck fuck?? Secondly, I don't remember telling his best friend that when I was drunk but it definitely sounds like something I would do. Thirdly, did I mention the last time I had sex with this person was TWO YEARS AGO?

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