Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

J'ai jamais pensé que je dirais...

In a way I'm quite happy that my Dad still believes in magic because when the day comes that I have spawned and they're old enough to look at Pere Bladder and say, "Grandad Matt. Do you believe in magic?", he can look them straight in the eye and say very truthfully, "Why yes I do. Have you not heard about the cleaning fairies who live in the front garden by the tree that I'm slowly trying to kill near the mushrooms that grow around the roots which I am using as evidence that the thing is like, proper dead. There are a few tribes and there is sometimes civil war but on the whole, they are happy fairies. The dishwasher fairies love their job although they prefer loading the dishwasher to unloading it. They whispered that to me in a dream when I was asleep once. The hoover fairies are a noisy crowd. Always making noise. Like a very small hovercraft. But the clothes fairies are the best. They enjoy nothing more than sorting the whites from the towels and making sure that there are no stray red socks in with the whites which would make us all sad."

This pleases me. No. Really. It does. 

Back, back, back in the day we'd cruise around in the Petemobile (Old Rusty RIP) listening to Westwood because there is nothing funnier than a middle aged man trying to be down with the kids and making a living out of chatting shit. And now those times can be relived via the internet. If I was on Twitter I'd probably only follow him. I like the fact that there are some real live pimps in here (as opposed to real dead ones) who he can trust not to fuck up his car in here. Wherever here is.  

And yes - it's true. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have probably equalled if not eclipsed Maps. I'm still trying to decide if it's my favourite or not. It's a tough call between that and this

Have you heard the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs by the way? I'm off to dl the Noisettes to see what the fuss is about. Have you heard the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs?

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Les Jeunes d'Aujourd'hui

Not content to wreck the place they then have the audacity to coch on their devastation. It wasn't like that in my day. 

I suspect the ring leader is the one in the hooped earrings. I have found that the bigger the hoop the higher the place in the hierarchy. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Paris - Tu me manques


Cochon de Coke

Yesterday Monsieur B. and I went for a day in the Big Smoke. Having wandered around the place for a while it was decided we should eat. Mainly cos it was 3 in the afternoon. MB suggested a place which he described to me as "having no cutlery". I think that perhaps this was a test to see just how much of a pikey I am. True to form I threw down the gauntlet and agreed to eat in such a place. Once in, we perused the menu. I decided to be restrained and a lady. And went for a half slab (slab. Lovely) of baby back ribs. MB went for broke - Combo, 1/2 chicken, pulled pork and grilled smoke sausages.

Unfortunately, the nice lady behind the counter foiled my attempt to be a lady. 

"Half slab? We've got an offer on, a whole slab for £10 if you get a refillable soft drink". Sold. To the woman who is already a pikey because she has agreed to eat in a restaurant with no cutlery and has just sealed the deal by DOUBLING her order because it means her drink will be 5p and she'll get more meat. Please see below. 

I'm sorry. It only occurred to me take a photo of our food when I'd eaten two ribs. But basically, it was a fucking lot of food. A. Lot. Yes. That's a sausage on the right hand side on a ford. That's half a chicken on MB's tray. And the pulled pork is being hidden by the coleslaw. What is pulled pork I hear you cry? Well, it's very nice. And I think it might be pork pulled off the pig. With abandon. Write in if I'm wrong. Oh and note the cutlery. I cracked. And said, "Is there *really* no cutlery?"

This is my favourite. The end. Just a pile of bones and nothing else really touched on my tray (nope, no plates). And some tooth picks. Which always denotes class. 

MB's eyes were a bit bigger than his belly. He put in a good effort but ultimately it's not nice to watch a grown man sweat and see his eyes dilate and it's not due to narcotics. It is quite funny though. 

Oh and Miss Coleslaw (see how it is so apt) - I hear you. But I gots to give him props for almost eating a Bodean Combo. 

Friday, April 10, 2009

Ce weekend, pour la plupart j'ai fait...

Although I am sad because today is the day that the Lord was killed, in other ways I am happy because it means that I get a 4 day weekend. Which is not something to be sniffed at. 

Today I have mostly deliberately avoided phone calls and text messages. This has been most productive as I have watched;

Let The Right One In;

Return to Oz;

Amelie; and

Ghost World (I totally want Enid's t shirt that she is wearing here. Even if I am reduced to some sort of piss poor attempt at drawing one on a t shirt myself. It will happen. As an aside I was once in the big Topshop changing rooms when some random walked up to me and told me that I reminded her of, "that girl in Ghost World". which is interesting. Mainly because I was on my own so she couldn't have heard me mocking everyone else and calling them a bunch of cunts. Unless my inner monologue wasn't inner that day. Which isn't unheard of) W-O-W that was a long bracket wasn't it?

I dl Let The Right One In back in January - because I am cutting edge - didn't actually get around to watching it til today. Must have got a bit blunt. Easily best film of 2009 so far and probably of the year. I know it was released in 2008 in the US so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is probably the best release of 2008 over there. Basically totally understated in a brilliant way. Shot beautifully but sparsely and I didn't flinch once at the goings on (and I am pretty squeamish - I looked away in the Dark Knight pencil scene and went, "Ooooooooooooh". involuntarily). If you haven't seen it don't mug yourself and go to the cinema and see it.  

I have also managed to gut my room totally and make it cleaner than it possibly has ever been with the exception of when my stuff was moved in for me whilst I languished in Gay Paris. I say languished. I had a whale of a time at the EU's expense. And for that I am forever grateful member states. In the words of Barack Obama when he accepted the nomination, "Thank you."

Anyway. I also found a place for the Wise Economical Owl. I won't go in to detail cos he's finding it a bit difficult but he has come to stay. Something about an impulse buy dinosaur and feeling undermined in the current economic climate. 

In all seriousness, I received this as a gift for my birthday from Pete and Jennie. I have reason to believe that it is all Jennie's handiwork and mighty fine handiwork it is too. She currently has a baby in her that Pete put there and the last I heard she was thinking of starting her own business. If she carries on making owl cushions I imagine I'll keep her afloat. 

Whilst I'm plugging home made handiwork I'm currently wearing my startrooper necklace that courtesy of pieandbelle. Check that shit out. Now. 

Telephone d'hamburger

Bonjour M. Patron. Est ce-que je peux avoir ce telephone pour mon bureau? S'il vous plait? S'il vous plait?

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Oui Oui

Je l'aime. Beaucoup. 

Wednesday, April 01, 2009


The thing I love most about this is that it just goes to show no matter how much money you have or who you are, you get to a certain age and you're still a doddering old fool.