Monday, September 26, 2011

Boo You Whore

Today I have felt like shit in every way. Which means I'm off to bed once I've uploaded all my photos to Truprint for prints.

Here is a pretty picture. Pretty pictures make everything okay.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I don't like Girls Aloud

But I do like Nicola Roberts' hair. And her track that is basically Diplo with her warbling all over the top. And it is viewing that video that brought me to this

Obviously I've never directed a music video in my life. And nor have I starred in one. But there is something that I suspect to be true and that is when you are making a video for a band it's probably a good idea to have the whole band in the video. At the very least they should get them all in together when it's a group shot.

The advent of Girls Aloud pretty much passed me by but every time 'Sound of the Underground' comes on television MonsieurB always comments how cruel they've been to give Nicola no time at all as she's not conventionally pretty and she was quite, quite ginger at the outset.

I assumed as they got bigger this would change. But no. Now. This is the first and last time I will ask you to do this but please watch the above Girls Aloud video.

Done? Sorry. I'll buy you a drink the next time I see you to apologise. Now. Did you notice how Nicola was BARELY in the video? How when it was a group shot the MOST you saw of her was a bit of her dress or an arm? I swear down and I will stand by this - the LIGHT or CANDLESTICK on the left hand side of the shot gets more time than she does. Seriously. It really fucking does. What sort of shoddy fucking video is that? If I was Nicola I'd be s-c-r-e-w-i-n-g. Hard.

I can only assume this is because either;

1: She can't keep time with the other so let's just bung her on the end and show an arm every now and then; and/or
2: Her 'At Rest' face is actually 'Screwface' and no tweenie wants to see a screwface.

I reckon it's probably a bit of both. Thankfully this problem has been rectified in the video for the Diplo track. I guess they decided they couldn't have an early single from her album without her in it and as it's such a banger they kinda HAVE to release it to get any sales.

So what they do? Use cutaways to ras, get in a load of decent dancers and only have the camera on her for a maximum of 2 seconds. Apart from when she's putting her arse in the air and wiggling it around. That can stay like that for as long as they see fit. Yes it can.

(And to prove my point about the dancing and it being a banger please see below)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Things I Read

It's probably quite hard to believe but I have friends. Oh yes. And some of them have mighty fine blogs that keep me amused. I highly recommend

MissDx - A yummy mummy in the process of becoming yummier with a 3rd. Obviously when I say yummy I mean it in a batshitcrazytotallyfunandlovely way. Not in a Cath Kidston way. Because then she would be my mother.

MoneyBen - He's a moody bastard. Not to be confused with MonsieurB who is a moody old bastard. A subtle but distinct difference I think you'll agree. He also likes films. And girls. And girls in films. You get the idea.

Director's Notes - I contribute now! But I used to read the site before that. Podcasts come highly recommended.

A Beautiful Mess - Not a friend but a lot of fun to read.

Saturday, September 17, 2011


I love this photo. It's a rag tag bunch of people who have been drinking free booze for 7 hours who are now confused by the streets of Notting Hill.

I imagine there will be a similar one later. I'm having a party. I've been doing the playlist. I'm cacking myself. Literally. Twice I've been this morning. And it's only 09:45.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Reading was messy as usual. Word had it that the torrential rain prior to Sunday had made for a muddy arena. Cue MoneyBen doing what he does every year - running around trying to find wellington boots on Saturday at 19:00 when we're meant to be departing the next day at 10:00. Such is this ritual that even his siblings now say, "Didn't you ring asking the same question around the same time last year?".


The first photograph is MoneyBen in all his Kangarooskinshodglory. Yes. It's pretty special. Here's a tip - if you want to look NOTHING like anyone else at a festival wear kangaroo skin boots.

We arrived at the festival having left 2 hours behind schedule. Which was pretty much expected by all concerned safe in the knowledge that the next day we'd be working to an almost Germanic timetable courtesy of MonsieurB.

The day was filled with the following:

Lots of it. I indadvertedly got absolutely fucking drunk out of my face. A friend tried to jump me from behind in the dark. I was zen about it cos I was drunk and thought, "If this person is going to kill me just go with it." He didn't kill me obviously. He's my friend. So much so his first comment when I turned around was: Oh my God Subway I have never seen you so drunk.

Lots of them. We saw Warpaint and Friendly Fires (both pictured). I've seen Warpaint 3 times now and they definitely are improving. I guess it's a bit nerve wracking playing Shepherds Bush when you're not sure what you're doing. But they have the ropes now.

FF were okay. I think the stage was a bit too big for them. Maybe they knew that too as they brought out a welcome distraction of hula girls for their song Jump In The Pool. No, no. I jest. It was for the song Hawaiian Air. Do you see what they did there?

Rumour had it it was the last Streets gig for a while so we made our way to a RAM UP tent to have a look. One may say it was the Tuborg, I would disagree, but I went totally mental for them. I'm not sure where it even came from because they're generally not my bag. The atmosphere in the tent was amazing and somehow Mike Skinner managed to get everyone in the tent to crouch on the floor waiting for the sign to all jump up together. I did it. I enjoyed it. I was sad when it ended.

Muse were as epic as one would expect. By this time I was quite tired. Not drunk. Tired. And I got a bit restless and told my friends that I was bored. Or maybe tired. Or maybe drunk. Then I jumped on MonsieurB's back to see a bit better then someone touched my bum and then my feminist side came out and I clambered off his back (feminists are allowed to use their boyfriends for gig use. It's in the index of the Female Eunuch. Honest) and tried to find the culprit. It was a girl so it was fine for her to touch my bum because she was just trying to help me climb up MonsieurB's back. It was especially fine because she thought I was 8 years younger than what I actually am.

Then I took charge and said we should leave just prior to Muse's closing so we'd beat the traffic (immediately showing my age). As we walked away they started playing Super Massive Black Hole. So then I stopped and started dancing. On my own. Whilst people tried to avoid me. And I tried to dance with them.

Then we FINALLY left. And I fell asleep. And then I woke up. And I was grouchy. And demanded everyone went to bed. Man I was drunk.

We also watched

Interpol - fairly lacklustre and disappointing.

Elbow - good banter, good songs, sun setting, nice.

Death from Above 1979 - Noise.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Do you think all girls called Jolene dye their hair auburn, bleach their skin and wear green contacts? It's a big commitment but I would.

Saturday, September 10, 2011


are good and that generally because you get legless drunk right? Just me? Oh. Well if you're going to be like that I may as well brag that I fell down some stairs at the last wedding I went to. No, that's not what's impressive. It's the fact I didn't spill a drop of red wine out of a 3/4 full glass. Once I had come to a clattering end I held the glass aloft like an Olympian (I imagine. I don't remember) and announced that I was fine and I hadn't spilt any wine. Yes. I'm a drunk poet.

Anyway, the point is that weddings are good but this one looks a-w-e-s-o-m-e. So much so I commented. Day of the Dead Rooftop American Wedding - ARGH.


New AP - obviously.

The sensible part of me wonders if I could *actually* wear it as when I wear frilly knickers I have to ensure I don't wear anything too tight as they show through and look like I've got wavy fat around my arse. (Hilarious in Topshop earlier with uber tight pencil skirt that will be purchased with new pay cheque for take me seriously work promotion. I say take me's bottle green with black polka dots).

The reckless part of me says fuck it and if people stare at my boobs then surely the work is done? Apart from I don't really like strangers staring at my boobs. Friends? Work away.

House of Holland Resort 2012

Who the frick knew that Henry Holland could actually design some nice clothes. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say his tights and slogan t shirts were good but the rest is gash, gash, gash. And then out this comes. Day of the dead and bones. I want it all. It'll blatantly go in the ASOS sale. Sorry Henry but I am the TruthSpeaker.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Like Crazy

I had a long distance relationship. Ultimately it wasn't worth it. And when I thought it was worth it, it was awful. I spent a lot of time in a phone box spending money on international calling cards. And trying to pretend I wasn't having the time of my life. And then coming off the phone feeling like the worst girlfriend ever because I dared to have fun. And then when something massively shit did happen he laughed. And I cried.

Lesson learned: Only do it for someone who has proved their worth...Because if they haven't by the time you go they definitely won't whilst you're away.