My Clients Have More Money Than Sense

New Receptionist - Hidden Behind Forest: Are you Miss B?

Me: Yes, why?

Crowd gathering

New Receptionist: These came for you

Me: You're wrong. Have you tried the other Miss B?

New Receptionist: Is there another Miss B?

Me: Well no but....is this a joke? Is this some kind of fucking joke?

Totally red and embarrassed the accompanying card is opened. From my boss' son who I have done a shed load of work for of late. Gratis. A card full of lovely things awaits me. I know what you're thinking, what a massively gigantic tasteful bouquet of flowers. Yeah. I know. He's gay. He has excellent taste. Obviously.

So The Flowers were given a chair of their own for the day at the desk of someone who was ill. And then commenced the two hour, 2 change journey home. It's a whole other story but reactions were fairly polarised. People either smiled a lot at me like I was a lunatic or scowled at me for poking them in the eye with green shit. Obviously the best comment came from one bloke to another bloke who appeared to be builders, "Someone has had some apologising to do". Silly builders. If you have apologising to do you ply me with gin and make me laugh until I fall off my chair.

Once I had got over the initial shock The Flowers cheered me up immensely as I had had the morning from Hell. From Hell. You know in Lemony Snicket when Violet ties up her hair when she has some serious thinking to do? Well, so do I. And today my hair was tied up all day. All. Day. Mmm. Serious. No frivolous emails either. Lunch was a touch and go affair. Breakfast was a total non starter and let's forget about my initial plans to leave at 4 to be home early to see my Goddaughter. More importantly, I only had 4 cups of tea today. I have the shakes from withdrawal.

Je voudrais porter

I would absolutely wear all of this fucking shit. Hoom.

C'était pas une crise de coeur. Seulement que j'ai oublié que le travail, c'est merde

Crisis averted. It always helps to get things off your chest -

Me: Basically I feel work is a massive pile of shit at the moment

My Boss, the big one, with all the power, and money: Don't be silly. And even if it is it doesn't matter. The important thing you have to remember is that you are loved. And nothing else really matters.

Me: Mmm. I'm going to Brighton now

My Boss: You should have told me you're going to Brighton. I'm going tomorrow, I would have given you a lift

Me: Aww. Thanks. But I would like to get totalled on Pimms tonight.

It also helps to avert a crisis when you spend the weekend hanging out with your favourite and best mates by the sea having meat babies. And seeing real babies. That you're sort of in charge of. And who are the teeniest things ever. It just sort of sucks when you have to go home and come back to reality.

Crise de Coeur

I'm pretty sure I'm having a crisis. Not sure what about though. Perhaps if I take to my bed for a few weeks I'll get up and it'll have all gone away.

Miss Bladder in "Put Some Clothes On" Shocker

It is being wildly reported that MissB, exponent of the wear as little clothes as possible movement, has advised Lily Allen to "put on a top underneath that jumpsuit". Whilst MissB wasn't at Glastonbury muttering something like, "How come all the fucking teepees sold out so quickly?", it seems word travels fast on the jump/playsuit grapevine.

Upon seeing Lily a source close to MissB said, "She emailed me and said she liked the wig but she really does need to put on a top underneath that playsuit. Needless to say I was so shocked I actually almost choked. Then I read the next line - how do I go about getting a third nipple? Then I actually did choke"

The close friend of MissB says that they fear she is suffering from Manchesteritus. A known condition whereby you are mean and judgmental about the clothing of others. MissB was spotted falling out of a bar in the Northern quarter slurring, "Christ the booze is cheap up here. But that fucking DJ is younger than my last period". Apparently neither was a lie.

Visage

I don't know why you care so much about your poker face. Because we are all, and I mean all, looking at your vagina. And not in a good way. 

Les Fleurs qui parlent

 Oh and you should see this. 

Favourite: Viktor & Rolf closely followed by Jean Paul Gaultier. And isn't that Stephen Jones with Christian? Hmmm.