"Sorry about my language but really what sort of cunt would do that? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh sorry I said the c word again didn't I? But seriously, what a bunch of cocks. Oh sorry, can I not say cock? Yes. 403032. COW? What's my address?"
That's pretty much what I slurred down the phone at half five/six o clock on Sunday morning to my bank. Obviously, I can't really remember doing this. Nor do I remember getting to the Engine Room. Nor do I remember when exactly I noticed my wallet was missing but gone it was. Basically I was Amy Winehouse without the massive beehive. Or track marks. And I want to cry. I am so sad my wallet is gone because I loved my little old lady purse. It was also (already) full of notes and titbits I'd accumulated that I can't bear to throw away. Boo. I don't even care about the cards and the £40 that was in it. Although it'll teach me to stop getting so fucking drunk.
As if having my wallet taken wasn't indignity enough I wasn't even allowed to wallow in my own self pity (and raging hangover) on Sunday. I was dragged to the park for a BBQ. Which was actually quite pleasant. Apart from Gary bringing both his guitars. The reason? Just in case I grow another set of arms. Riiiiiight.
What I do remember, however, is Cow and me thanking everyone profusely. Arms wide open. Telling people how we just can't express our gratitude enough. Basically, we watched Barack Obama's acceptance speech and counted how many times he said thank you (I read a fucking shocking article about Sarah Palin. Did you know whilst in office in Alaska she made women who were raped pay for their own HIV tests? In fact, don't get me started on HOW anti-women she is) and decided to emulate his charisma to anyone that was nice to us. I think the barmen were particularly appreciative. Then we tried to out thank you him (31. That's the number to beat). I'm not sure if we managed it.
So I have something quite shocking to say. I'm canceling September. Fuck September. It has brought nothing but trouble. So........31 days to Hallowe'en. I love dressing up for Hallowe'en me. Pumpkins. Yay.