Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tu n'as pas la chance...

Such an inordinate amount of hilarious things has happened this week that I really don't have the time to do them justice but I feel it is my duty to post the following:

I've never been Dita Von Teese's biggest fan. I now know she isn't my biggest fan either. Her bras just make my chest look crap. And I've tried pretty much every style in every possible size that could accommodate the girls and nada. They look totally rubbish. I know! Who thought such a thing was possible when it comes to my chest but there we have it.

Back to the job in hand. She's pretty enough but not a knock out. Fairly hot body but she looks a bit mis-shapen to me. I don't mind the whole vintagey thing she has going on but all in all she doesn't rock my world. By the same token I don't despise her with a passion either. Apathetic would probably sum it up nicely.

Until I saw this:

I'm not sure if it's the way that corset makes her tits look basically perfect or her facial expression but I most definitely would. Good Christ it's enough to give a straight girl a heart attack. As an aside. EXCELLENT job on the suspenders Dita. Great choice.

The above gentleman, however, does not agree. I'm going to come clean right now. I was on a gossip website and it linked me to Dita. Which was published in the sun (I'm deliberately not giving it capital letters. It scrapes the barrel for news. As illustrated by Dita Von Teese getting her kit off being in the 'news'paper. I didn't read about it in The Guardian today. Please note the capitalisation). Which allows it's morons, sorry I mean members to have their say. Yes! Because everyone wants to hear what a sun reader has to say. I imagine on most topics it's a fairly simple, "NO". Or perhaps, "SICKOS". When I say most topics I mean those that get published in most publications. When it comes to the proper news, however, comments can go up to, wait for it, two WHOLE lines. That must have taken up most of the day. And then a little lie down for exerting so much brain power.

Okay. Sorry. My vitriol has no bounds but I will stop or this will degenerate in to a rant that has no end. Where was I? Ah yes, that comely young man above. Apparently he "wouldn't". Why? Because she had a "bizarre relationship" with Marilyn Manson. He wouldn't touch her with a "ten foot pole". If your pole really is ten foot then I imagine Dita is kicking herself right now. I mean it. She sits on the sun website all day every day waiting for you to change your mind about her bizarre relationship that consisted of her going out with someone she liked, then falling in love with him, then marrying him, then divorcing him because it didn't work out. Fucking bizarre hey? OH NO I forgot. All sun readers go out with people half their age then field out their children to the local wack job to put them in a drawer under the bed so they can get reward money from the papers sorry I mean so they can dump their much younger boyfriend who turns out to be a peado. Dita Von Teese is one fucking crazy relationship bitch!

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