This is why you shouldn't drink wine

"I'm in Hendon, can you pick me up? I've made friends on the train. I say that in the loosest term cos one of them is actually a massive c**t"

"WHERE AM I? Oh I'm in St Albans"

"I'm having Taytos. Cos that's how I roll"

Voicemail left:

Yeah, yeah, mmm, yeah, mmm.

The following text was also composed:

X

Do ther

Fitstt clAdding kebab X

My sister: Do you want a kebab by any chance?

Me: No. I've eaten today. I don't want a kebab. But if you want one we can stop

My sister: I don't want one.

Me: Oh. Oh dear.