Tuesday, April 13, 2010

J'aime t'aimer bébé

Along with devouring the weekend newspapers one of my other favourite weekend past times is reading the date section of the Guardian Weekend magazine. You know the one, where they go out on a date and then report back and give each other a score of 10. My favourites are the ones where someone gets an abominably low score ("He was half an hour late") or a massively high score ("9 or 9.5 depending on what she said about me"). I love extremes (this also lends itself to the restaurant section. There has been a great run lately in the Guardian where restaurants have been getting 0.05/10 - I didn't think this was EVEN possible).

It therefore naturally follows that I very much enjoy reading the Guardian Soulmates page in the Guide on a Saturday. I'm not looking and if I was I'd be doing a rubbish job of keeping it from MonsieurB seeing as I sit beside him blatantly reading them and sighing from time to time at the forced kerazyness of the writers.

The real reason I read them is I like to imagine the sort of person who has written it. Sometimes some are so good that I can imagine exactly the kind of life they lead. It's like a novel in my head with some help from real life. It's only fair that I share some choice ones (and I have taken them from the Guide - I promise).

Fun, anarchic, happy, aware guy, 45, diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma, seeks angel, 35-55, to walk at his side for the journey ahead
I really, really, really don't want to die alone. (This one actually made me incredibly sad)

Nick Cave seeks PJ Harvey. Dark haired M, 43, indie alternative type, in to music, gigs, film, art & culture, WLTM sim
I know who Nick Cave is! And PJ Harvey! I'm cool! Don't let me be that loner, older man at gigs who is lost in the music.

A new decade, a new start. Divorced bear of a man, 44, seeks smiling, gorgeous girl to share hugs & kisses with
I was that bloke at the New Year's Eve party slurring at 9pm and telling everyone how his bitch ex wife left him for the gardener and how it'd really fuck her off if I ended up with a fitter, younger model. Because did I mention my ex wife is a bitch?

Un-adventurous, hill walking wino WLTM mellow stir fried, double-digging girl for nature musing, home-grown, triple-glazed, wool insulated future
I'm a bona fide pisshead. So much so I couldn't even be bothered to sober up to write this.

Lonely leftie (non-Blairite) widower, seeks soulmate in East Devon
Gordon! If that election goes tits up leave Sarah for me. Call me.

But it would be unfair of me to only lampoon the M seeking F. Easy, but unfair. I'll be honest, the ratio of random men's posts versus that of the ladies is off the scale. Every so often you get some good ones but they're thin on the ground. But for the sake of balance (I am, after all a person that believes in equality between the sexes) it's only fair I put up the ONE random women's ad I could find:

Slim Ldn F, 60, no house, car, TV or religion, but loves music, books, art & nature, seeks sim misfit to share ints & life
I'm homeless and totally fucked for money.

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