Thursday, April 11, 2013

House Finding Blues

For the last 6 weeks I have devoted my life to Rightmove and scouring individual estate agent sites in the hope of finding a house that isn't ridiculously overpriced and that would fit a normal couple in as opposed to the Borrowers. 

I don't mind the internet bit so much, it's dealing with the wanky estate agents that gets me down. I have to be pleasant to them for a start which really is not my bag. Then I have to try and juggle a Saturday to ensure that we can see 4 unsuitable properties in a time frame that does not mean there's 2 hours to kill 'on the wrong side of town' so we end up in a caff with some hungover hoodrats commenting how they'd wear MonseiurB's trainers and my handbag. Yes. This did happen. Yes. I did think they were going to mug us. Luckily I had some scalding hot tea. Watch out! I have boiling brown water in a mug and I'm not afraid to use it!

But most of all it's the shit I get off the agents on the Monday when I have to field the 'feedback' calls. I mostly want to say, 

"You're a child who is paid to literally open a door. When I ask questions about planning/previous extensions/GENERAL SHIT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL A FUCKING HOUSE you give me an answer followed by, "But don't quote me on that". AKA YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER". "

Instead I have to find a polite way of saying, "This house is overpriced for the fact it's 1.5 bedrooms and doesn't have a bath." One who we shall call PhillipTheChild, because his name was Phillip and he was a child, had the audacity to tell me he knew how much I really wanted this house and could I put in a higher offer. The answer was no. I couldn't put in a higher offer. Another told me I was very quiet when looking around the house. I bit my tongue instead of saying, "I'm quiet because it's a total shit hole and I could be in the pub now lamenting the lack of a house instead of standing here. Talking to you."

So the sooner a house is found the better.

But most of all the best time for me to deal with estate agents is when I'm on my period because then I am curt and don't take any bullshit. Curiously, they're nicer to me than when I'm attempting to pretend I'm not a horrible bitch. Hmm. Lesson learned perhaps. 

1 comment:

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