Wednesday, May 14, 2008


So, first off. A big congratulations to Pato for sealing the deal with a ridiculously clever medical student man that she met whilst completely shed faced and he was dressed as a lion. As if that start of their beautiful relationship wasn't wacky enough she went all out and their first date went a bit like...

She turns up hungover to fuck. Exits half way through to go to the bathroom to make herself sick but no cigar. Comes back and decides that having listened to him speak for about an hour about how someone's guts exploded on his shoes the other week that she might actually have to make some sort of contribution to the conversation or he might think she doesn't like him. However, her hungover addled brain is a blank. Total blank. Hang on, here it comes, oh yes, she's going to say something magical. Are you ready? Seriously, the romance - it'll make you vom. Okay. She said,

"I had a cyst on my ovary. It was 4lb. It had bone and blonde hair in it"

Ladies and gentleman, I think we all know that this little gem is how she managed to get the golden handshake. In fact, I might lie to everyone I go out with from now on and say it. Everyone loves a bit of the Pato. Especially me. Mainly because she sends me texts that say, "Fuck me, we are brilliant". Which is true.

I'm also slowly reintegrating back in to London life. Walking behind people muttering, for fucks sake and witnessing random aggression from passers by. Although I think the weirdest thing I've seen in a while was yesterday where a man with a child on his shoulders was having an altercation with a ticket man at the Kings X barriers. It went something like,

Man Child: Oh fuck you
Man Ticket: Fuck you
Man Child: No, fuck you
Man Ticket: Go fuck yourself

I think you'll agree it was a fairly simple premise but effective all the same.

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