Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Si on est un homo dit hurrah!

So. The big news this week is that I'm a raging lesbian. I know! Who knew?

To be more accurate I went to the Mac shop (MacBook Air was a massive draw) and decided to check my FB. Having started my new job which I can't do ANYTHING fun in I thought it would be prudent to check it to see if my massive Wimbledon wreck up was still on. It was and off I popped back to the office. Approximately 12 hours later I come home, wankered, to find that my relationship status has been changed, I'm interested in women and I'm a "massive gayer". Luckily my pissed up state meant that I found the whole thing hilarious. Returning everything to its proper state I decided all was well.

How fucking wrong I was. It appears I started a secret group announcing my coming out of the closet and invited all my friends. It's dead good. Really. Loads of my 'friends' who I haven't seen in YEARS left me messages of support. It brought a tear to my eye. 

I also spent the whole weekend on my phone replying to texts and phone calls confirming my straight status. I think the best phone call I had was ridiculously late on Sunday from Brighton which went something like,

"Subby, we were just in the pub talking about how great and funny you are....

No Ellie, I'm not a lesbian.

Oh, oh. Hang on.......EVERYONE! SHE ISN'T A LESBIAN!"

And then I heard in the background the tinkling voice of the upcoming bride saying, "Oh you whore. I wanted you to bring your girlfriend to the wedding"

I was almost sorry to disappoint. Now I've rectified all the damage the secret group seems to have evolved in to people saying that they weren't quite convinced as I am a confirmed, and I quote, "cum guzzler". Lovely. I've even had to go so far as to delete some of the comments. Although they may directly quote me some things just aren't meant for the internet but real people. Who are really fucking drunk. And you think they'll forget the filth you come out with.

In between not being a lesbian I've basically been doing laps about this



And I spent the weekend nicely pickled. Went to the Banksy thing and got mad props from some random guy in the queue about my glasses. Yay etc. Also got mistaken by a French person as someone who is French at St Pancras. That was quite nice. 

And yeah, the job is cool. Same old, different place. Everyone seems okay although they all dress really badly which upsets me a bit but you can't have it all ways. 

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