Monday, February 02, 2009

Nous sommes un peu nické je pense...

Right kids lets huddle up here. I want a full and frank, off the record conversation here. Remember, we're all friends here and there is absolutely, and I mean absolutely, no judgment. Sooooo, anyone been finding God recently? Or more accurately Hubbard?

Who is this infidel that speaks of L Ron Hubbard? You must not use his name in vain before me. Infidel.

Ah Jeff. So, you're a Scientologist now?

Why yes Brett! I am! Would you have time by any chance to take our personality test? It is 3% accurate and almost always ends up with me telling you that you have to join our spaceship and give us a shitload, and I mean a shitload, of cash to save you from the crazy ones who are going to slay you the day we're all lifted out of here and to Mars so we can fuck that planet up too. God bless L Ron Hubbard. I mean, L Ron Hubbard bless L Ron Hubbard.

No Jeff. I don't have time to take a personality test cos I'm currently being fucked in the arse by our boss. So you're to blame for this Katie Holmes Miu Miu campaign then are you. Talk about shafting me when I was looking the other way.

Actually I think you'll find you weren't looking the other way, you were looking to the toilet cistern whilst you shovelled unholy amounts of bad things in to your face. Heathen.


I can talk yes. And I only take prescription drugs now that I've bought off the internet which places me several rungs above you on the ladder my friend. Heretic.

Back to the point. LOOK AT THE FUCKING STATE OF IT. She looks dead. Actually dead. I mean we managed to get away with the Madonna thing. That really old photo of her out of control bush actually vindicated us in that we couldn't remove her much older, ginger one out of shot but STILL. This is something else. Miu Miu is supposed to appeal to quirky hipsters with money to burn. Not stupid bints that have married men much, much shorter than them. That jump around on sofas. And beg for parts in Ben Stiller films to raise their awful, awful profile.

Well, the theme was apocolypse now you see. See how the background looks like the burning embers of Hell? That's no conincidence. That'll be her face when the spaceship comes. Gentile.

But she looks like a fembot.

Yeah. I think Tom is looking for a part in the next Mike Myers film.

I swear to God Jeff. The next time I see you you'd better be in a k hole so fucking deep that I can't reach you cos I'll batter the shit out of you. What's the next shit you're gonna come up with? That other stupid cow that Holmes is attempting to emulate....

Victoria Beckham. Pagan.

....yeah her, photoshopped to ras in her underwear in some bizarre passive agressive ad campaign against her husband.


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