Michael: I don't have confetti. Do you reckon I can just throw stones at Catlow?
Me: I don't see why not. We could pretend we're in Afghanistan. She surely has enough flesh showing to justify a stoning.
Dr Chris King: Well, she has the use of the church she may as well get as much as she can out of it. Wedding and a funeral in one day. Nice.
Me: I think most girls feel at some point they'd like to be buried in their wedding gown.
All of the above was witnessed by a uni friend's boyfriend. Who we'd met an hour previously.
Some time later....and after two quickly downed glasses of champagne.
Photograher: Catlow's friends. Can we have Catlow's friends?
Elfin Erin: Oooh is this where we get involved?
Gathering around Catlow -
Dr Chris King: Oh I've forgotten what I was going to say.
Me: Was it something along the lines of must you wear red lipstick so your mouth looks like a massive gash? Cos that's what you used to say to me in uni.
Dr Chris King: Was it? Well it is true
Michael: Snort Splutter Snigger
Catlow: Right, what are you lot laughing at?
Some time even later when I'd crawled to bed because the bride told me it'd be a good idea
Dr Chris King - some what inebriated: So Catlow. Do you have any sluts for me to fuck?
Apparently Elfin Erin was inclined to say, "Oh yes. The prozzies we ordered for you are arriving in 15 so that's good timing". She didn't. She feared she'd be taken seriously.
Some time much later. The Morning After. Chris and me - the drunkest and the only ones up for breakfast:
Me: Are you up? Are you coming to breakfast?
Dr Chris King: I can't work the fucking shower, this is fucking ridiculous. This is fucking stupid.
Me: It's easy. You just twist the outer knob. Snigger
Dr Chris King: Nothing is fucking happening. There should at least be some basic fucking instructions.
Me: Christ. Right. I'm coming to do it for you.
Two minutes later Dr Chris King opens the door in his boxers and a shirt and proceeds to have a conversation with me with one leg up on the bed until I tell him to put his leg down because he makes me feel quite ill. The room is littered with detritus. Amongst the fallout are 3 condoms on the floor.
Me: Christ Chris. It looks like an earthquake has happened in here. Did you pull?
Dr Chris King gesturing to his fairly uncrumpled single bed and pulling more condoms out of his suit pocket: Does it fucking look like I pulled?
Me: Eight. Wow Chris. You think a lot of yourself. Oh well. Let's put the shower on for you.
Dr Chris King: It doesn't fucking work. It's fucked.
Me: There you go. It's on now.
Dr Chris King: Oh.
Me: Did you remember to bring toothpaste? I forgot.
Dr Chris King searching around backpack: No. But I do have a vibrating cock ring.
Me: I can't wash my teeth with that.