Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I guess it's the Summer that makes everyone go wedding crazy. It's nice weather (optimum for weddings) and the older I get the more weddings are going on around Summer time. Which means there has been a lot of theoretical wedding talk going on of late. I was asked this weekend what I would wear if I got married. After some careful consideration I went with either;

a: A meringue dip dyed neon pink at the bottom; or
b: A playsuit with a massive train a la Katy Perry in the Hot n Cold video. I figure people reckon we're the same cos we have the same haircut so why fight it. That and I should really show the pins off whilst I can.

I got stung by a wasp last weekend. I cried. I am not ashamed of this.

I have fucked my blogger somehow. Apparently groundhog day is the 17th April. I really hope I can export the shit out of this. When MarBelle tells me how.

Oh and last but not least - not one but TWO moments of comedy genius this week

Numero Un
A not unhandsome man in the office who I have christened 'Dreamboat'. Which means that is the only name he has. That and when he walks past I sigh and ask those in the general vicinity, "Isn't he dreamy?". Unfortunately some people are taking me seriously and one girl went particularly batty screaming, "HE'S NOT EVEN RIPE, RIPE" (He's 22 by the way, I'm not a massive peado). My response? "I hear the less ripe they are the harder they are". Someone actually covered their ears muttering, "My ears."

Numero Deux
Apparently parma ham gives you cancer. I eat it by the truckload. Whilst musing upon this to Monsieur B. I said how much of a shitter it would be if I got cancer from ham having given up smoking. "I have Ham Cancer, it said on the packet it's been cured for 18 months. The liars! There is no cure." I have entered the Shit Phone Hall of Fame. Surely a comedy award isn't far off?

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